Wedding sermon, based on Revelation 19:7-9 (given July 31, 2010)


Why do we cry at weddings?

We cry for several reasons, one of which is that everything is so beautiful at a wedding - the bride with her beautiful dress, the flowers, the candles the fine music -- the tradition of it all. I find that when God wants to get my attention, he sends me one of two things: suffering, or beauty. Each pierces my cold heart, and grabs my attention. And that’s just what God wants at a wedding - to get our attention, because He has something he wants to show us.

Have you noticed that when it comes to planning a wedding, even the most informal folks return to formal traditions? We may be ok with informality in our church services, but when it comes to a wedding, most of us want the traditional groom in the front, bride in white coming down the aisle, organs and baroque music and flowers and candles...

I think it is because a wedding is more than just the union of two people - it is an important part of the the life of a community. It defines something about what we think is important - what we value. The way we do weddings is important to all of us, not only the bride (regardless of what we see on Bridezilla). This whole ceremony is like a play, and we each have our roles to play - the bride, the groom, the parents, family, and friends, the pastor...and if each takes up his role, everyone leaves satisfied. If you doubt that there are roles, just imagine attending a wedding in which the groom walked down the aisle to join the bride in the front, or more bizarre still, that the groom wears the dress. Do you think that is arbitrary? All the roles resist being interchangeable.

So if this is a play, with specific roles, dress, and action, who wrote the script, and where do we get this notion?

From the verses we just read.

   For the wedding of the Lamb has come, 
      and his bride has made herself ready. 
 8Fine linen, bright and clean, 
      was given her to wear." (Fine linen stands for the righteous acts of the saints.)

I remember being in Bratislava one Saturday and walking by a church just as a bride and groom came out -- and she was in white, and everyone on the street stopped and looked, and smiled, and even applauded them...why is even a stranger’s wedding beautiful, and brings tears to the eye?

Could it be that we are haunted by a longing for something -- something we can’t name -- that is hinted at in the wedding? We want our bride in a fine dress because she is playing a part.

The beauty of the wedding ceremony, with its radiant bride, handsome groom, loving friends and family, is only a shadow of a larger reality. It is like children playing dress-up in their parents’ clothes, or pretending to be a pro quarterback, or a ballerina. Everyone knows the joy of pretending as children, but wouldn’t it be strange if there were no actual reality we were pretending about? Wouldn’t it be weird if we encouraged our boys to pretend to be a quarterbacks but had forgotten what the game of football was? -- or encouraged our girls to pretend to be ballerinas but knew nothing of ballet? The only reason children dress up in their parents’ clothes is that there actually IS an adult world - a world to which they aspire. But the world over, while we still dress our brides in the finest of clothes many of us have forgotten that there is a reality the tradition represents. We are haunted by a meaning we have forgotten; a meaning that still sways our choices without our being aware of it consciously; a meaning that is even more beautiful than Catherine or any specific bride; a meaning that touches us at our deepest levels and draws tears: the secret is that the beautiful bride represents US -- the Faithful Church of Revelation 19 --- the Church won over by the love of Jesus...the Church purified by her Lord, and made ready to spend eternity with Him. Our beautiful Catherine represents the Body of Christ, and she is dressed in the finest linen because it represents the righteous works the Church has done because of what her Lord did for her. She represents all of the faithful: men and women both - we all play the feminine role in a great wedding. No wonder we relate to her. No wonder her beauty delights us all - she is the way we hope one day to be! We cry partly because deep down inside we long for the day when the Bride will be united with her husband Jesus, and all the evils of the fallen world, even death itself, will be done away with. Now THAT is going to be a party! Hallelujah!

Her beauty and fine clothes represent OUR status after what Jesus has done for us. He has forgiven us and made us pure. But we must never forget that she has prepared herself for her husband the groom. It is not just the bride who plays a role in this play: the groom plays a role as well. We must never forget in our weddings that the only reason brides choose dresses and march down aisles is because the groom first proposed. Most people still hope that the groom will do the proposing - why is that? Is it just old fashioned? Or is it too an echo of a deeper truth? Don’t we always want to know HOW he proposed to her? (and Andrew’s story is a great one, so get him to tell you if you don’t already know...) Now be honest - wouldn’t you be just a little disappointed if we heard he didn’t initiate and propose? It is just not as “romantic.”

This turns out not to be just an old tradition with no foundation -- it imitates the reality that Jesus is the one who proposed to us -- “while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” we are told. It is the love of the groom that chose the Church, called her, wooed her heart, fought dragons to free her, and finally won her affections. It is not by accident that all the fairy tales work this way - she is to be cherished and loved, fought for, there should be some sacrifice on the part of the groom to win her, because that is how Jesus loves us. Then, he gave her the beautiful dress to wear, and put the wedding together to show the world His love for her. It may seem like a little thing, but is EVERYTHING: the groom proposes and the bride accepts. He initiates, she responds. He leads, she follows. In the language of Ephesians chapter 5, he loves, she submits.

If you are like me, you find yourself conflicted about this last word. Somehow it isn’t fair, I think. Why should it be that he gets to lead? Yet, I wouldn’t feel right if she leads and he follows either exactly... Why is this a conflict? Because we like calling our own shots. We don’t take well to being under someone else’s authority -- remember the temptation of the Serpent in the Garden? “You shall be as gods” -- you can call your own shots and not have to answer to anyone!

But this is why Christian weddings are so helpful - not only to get the bride and groom off to the right start, but as a reminder to all of us who are either married or considering being married. If we understand that we are taking up roles -- that husbands are to be like Jesus, and wives are to be like the church, then it becomes easier to understand -- the wedding itself is an imitation of this larger reality that carries on throughout the marriage.

But if you are still not convinced, there is an even deeper magic - one that makes the reality of the Revelation 19 wedding itself an imitation of something deeper still. The relation of the groom to his bride is a picture of the relation of Jesus and His church, but the relation of Jesus to His church is an imitation of the relation of God the Father to God the Son. And here we finally come to bedrock. The ultimate reality is the eternal and Holy Trinity, from Whom all goodness, truth, and beauty flow. Throughout eternity the Father leads and the Son follows. The Father creates, the Son is the one through whom the creation is accomplished. If you were ever tempted to think that the follower is inferior to the leader, that is, the bride inferior to the groom, or the church inferior to Jesus, think again. No one follows because he is inferior - we take up these roles because that is how the dance of love goes -- the husband leads and the wife follows because Jesus leads and the Church follows -- and that happens because the Father leads and the Son follows. We are all in imitation of the Trinity, and there is not ONE IOTA of inferiority in the Son. He is completely God with nothing missing. He doesn’t follow because he lacks anything, he follows because He knows how love works. Because the Triune God IS what love is, so in marriage, He invites us to participate in that love. The husband sacrifices himself for the wife, and the wife submits herself to the husband, because in the few times that we get that right, we experience a small taste of divine joy. It is like the perfect waltz - the two become one precisely BECAUSE they take up different roles - we were built this way. Only in retaining our differences can we become complementary, and only complementary things can become one. This is the misunderstanding of much prevailing thinking today about marriage -- we think the two should become identical/interchangable because we assume this will assure equal treatment. But two who become identical forfeit their ability to become one -- the only way to become one is to be complementary. One leads, one follows, and each does his part for the glory of God, and the delight of the other. Never for himself. He who leads for himself becomes a tyrant. She who submits for herself becomes a manipulator. But when each is done for the benefit of the other, we experience a taste of divine joy. Andrew - I charge you to be careful never to take Catherine’s willingness to follow for granted - she doesn’t OWE it to you, she grants it to you for the glory of God and to help you to become the man God designed you to be. And Catherine, I charge you to be careful never to take Andrew’s provision for you for granted. He doesn’t OWE it to you, he sacrifices freely for the glory of God and out of his love for you - know that it is a blessing from God through Andrew for your good, and be ever thankful. In this way your trust in each other will increase.

We faithful Christians are members of the Bride of Christ, and we are being given the incomparable invitation to participate in the dance of love that has gone on eternally within the Trinity. In that dance is life, love, and meaning. Apart from Him you can do nothing. The bride and groom in our wedding today imitate this great dance when the groom proposes, the bride accepts, and then prepares herself for HIM. The Bride of Christ is invited to enter into love itself: the love that the Father and the Son have shared since before time began. So it shouldn’t surprise us that our bride and groom promise to love one another for the rest of their natural days. The bride here is invited to spend her life in love as well: to join in the dance that takes its rhythm from the music of heaven.

Andrew and Catherine would be the first to say that while today is their wedding day, they are not the center of this ceremony. It is not all about the bride and her dress; neither is it all about the groom and his proposal. It is ultimately about Jesus and HIS proposal to us His Church - will we accept Him? Will we allow Him to provide us with a dress of fine linen as He desires? THIS is what is at the center of our joy today - this is why we cry tears of joy - this is why the bride’s beauty is so important, and this is why the groom can’t stop smiling: this is the mystery: the two weddings become merged and indistinguishable -- the beauty of the Revelation 19 wedding lends meaning to the ceremony here -- the very real beauty of our bride here lends a tangible reality to the invisible Bride the Church and the love of our groom here helps us see a glimpse of the love of Jesus for us His bride. The promises of Jesus and the Church to one another are manifest in the lives of these two making promises today. And heaven rejoices and sings with us over such an exhibition of love and devotion.

So this is why we cry at weddings: they represent something that is just outside our grasp -- something invisible, yet truer than anything visible. This wedding today is beautiful because it joins two in Love with a capital “L”: may their marriage continue to reveal what they have begun to reveal today: the invisible relation between our Lord and His bride - and may they walk in His Spirit all the days of their lives.

And as for us? We are told:
'Blessed are those who are invited to the wedding supper of the Lamb!' " And he added, "These are the true words of God."
Let us pray.
Father - bless this union with your presence and joy. That Catherine and Andrew may always walk in your Spirit, bear one anothers’ burdens, and know that you brought them together for their delight and your glory. In the name of Jesus, our Lord and Groom, Amen.